Love Yourself First: Bonus Resources
Defend Against Your Inner Critic Process:
Preparation – Know the voices of your inner critic. The more you recognize its voices and the physical, emotional, and energetic signature that the critic is present (“Something feels fishy here…”) the more quickly you can initiate this defense process.
1. Name It for What It Is – “You are the voice of my inner critic. You are NOT helpful.”
2. Set a Boundary – Here are three ways to do that. Feel free to blend these styles. Whatever works!
a. Anger – The energy of anger and aggression is powerful. It creates a strong boundary that your critic cannot cross. Try – “Fuck off!” (with gusto!) or “Shut up.”
b. Sarcasm – Using sarcastic humor to undermine the “cassette tape” of your inner critic’s voice. If the voice says – “You’re a total failure” you might retort – “That’s right. I’m a total failure. I’ve never amounted to anything in anyone’s eyes. That’s why I’m the CEO of my company. Ha!”
c. Truth – Directly speak the truth of the situation. If the voice says – "You’re worthless” you might say – “Actually, I am precious and my worth is immeasurable. What I do or don’t accomplish has nothing to do with my worth.” (Mic drop!)
3. Disengage – Once you’ve set a boundary, you need to disengage. The critic will try to hook you back in. Don’t fall for that! Don’t try to change its mind. (Remember, it’s a cassette tape.) Pull your energy back into yourself. You might even close your eyes or physically turn your back on your critic.
4. Self-Care – Give yourself some love, give yourself a hug, tell yourself you’re okay, good, beautiful… whatever you need to hear. Like in a BDSM scene, this is the “after-care” you need in the wake of your critic giving you a beating. Stay with it until your nervous system relaxes and opens.
Advanced Critic Aikido Practice – Creating a boundary and ending the beatings is priority #1. This is a practice to do on a daily basis when the critic rears its head. There is an advanced practice of getting to know your critic and the younger version of you who created/imported it. You can essentially transform your critic so that they are “on your team” – but this is best done with the support of a coach/therapist/guide because that critic can be a sneaky MOFO.
Other Resources
There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate by Cheri Huber (Book) – An absolute must-read!
Jon Bernie (Teacher) – Jon Bernie is a phenomenal spiritual teacher, who teaches about self-love in a very grounded and human way. Check out his podcast, his books, and his in-person and virtual satsangs.
Be Whatcha Gonna Be by Sarah Nutting of MaMuse (Song) – A friend sent this song to me and it captures the spirit of self-love that I’m pointing us to.
Ho'oponopono (Wikipedia, Practice) – Simply repeating the phrases “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you” as a mantra. Can be used with self or other. A powerful forgiveness practice.